so. that whole summer thing.

One week.

A friend told me that summers go by faster the older you get.  He’s in his fifties (you tend to accumulate a broad age range of companions when you’re an artist, or at least that’s been my experience), so I suppose he’d know better than I.  Definitely getting to know those feels, though.  It feels like yesterday that I was heading home from Alma, and now I’ve got a week before I return.

One of my favorite shots of campus.  Not taken by me, to be clear.  I does not has
the photography skills...

Also, it's August.  Why am I posting a winter shot??  Hmmm.  Refer to my second
post, I guess... http://sparechangeandcephalopods.blogspot.com/2013/06/moving-iceland.html

I think I might be a little nervous.  I’m thrilled to be returning, yes.  But apprehensive.  For every bit of me that says, ‘Yes!!  Finally going back to school,” there’s another part that goes, “Ehhhhh, well, that’s sort of nice, if you’re into that kind of thing…”  Luckily, I am into that kind of thing, but still.  It’s weird– I’ve been getting used to the new house, and now I’m off again.

I’ve lived in three different places over the past year– old house, school, and new house.  I’m not really bothered by any of those, and I wouldn’t actually change any of the circumstances.  Yet, at the same time, there’s part of me that’s fairly uncomfortable… I have this weird thing where I transition period to a new place.  Some people plop in wherever they are right away and are completely comfortable.  I tend to take a few days.  Or weeks.  Sometimes months.

It can make brief trips kind of hard.  I love traveling, but honestly, I find it super stressful.  I keep myself really busy whenever I take a short trip.  I’m mentally checking off the days until I visit Chicago again, but I know that once I’m there, I’m going to fill up the day as much as possible and probably stay out ‘til three in the morning to keep my mind from going, “Hey now, shouldn’t you be feeling super awkward about now…?”

Luckily, I like wandering around big cities late at night.  Otherwise, the whole situation’d be awfully lame.  But anyways.  Transition time.  Last year, it took a really long time for me to feel like Alma was any kind of home.  About halfway through second semester.  *facepalm*

It won’t be anything like that this year.  But it will take a while.  I’ve really come to love my new house.  My room- the little tucked away wing of the house– has become very me.  Five million posters, poems on the wall, books, swords, a bunch of pens lying everywhere because I have a disorganized post-modern brain… heh, basically, it looks like a nicer version of a dorm room.  Moving again so soon feels strange, and I don’t want to.  I mean, I want to be back at school, with my friends, stressing over classes, writing (and especially being able to work with other writers, something I’ve really missed over the summer).  I actually want to be chillin’ with my roomie (who possesses the unlikely and wonderful name of Jamie Otter), too.  I does has the loves for that boy.

But, at the same time, I’m not really ready to leave my new space

~          ~          ~

Rooms have a weird way of doing the whole hey-look-now-I’m-you thing.  If you truly inhabit a space, it slowly becomes an extension of your self.  Notice, I didn’t compound those words– your and self.  Yourself feels too generalized, really; it denotes you, but in a superficial, busy sort of way.  Like, If you want something done right you have to do it yourself.  It’s a busy word.

Your

Self

The self that is you, beneath the layers of stuff and face you put forward for everyone else.  It’s a private place inside you, but a good room, a space you’re comfortable in, becomes a strong reflection of you, the you that’s actually you.  Or at least closer to the actually you than the face most people see.  I suppose that might even be what makes a place home, when it mirrors you and those closest to you with a minimal amount of fluff on top.  My room’s doing that.   It’s kind of a controlled clutter, which is how I think.  Lots of stuff, all basically related, all jumbled up to create a semblance of sensicality.  I’m very comfortable in it now.

At the same time… I’m getting restless.  And bored.   I need more to do, and I need to keep moving forward.  Staying in my room, at this point, would basically be complacency, and that’s never a good thing.

 

This is Darth Bane.  He was so opposed to complacency
that he engineered the death of most every other Sith in the galaxy, since
they'd gotten a little weak.  He was pretty hardcore.

So, I know I need to go back, and I want to, but there’s that little part of me whispering, “Awww, just stay here.  Read some novels.  Write some poems.  You just started that book of essays.  They’re cool.  Totes’ll work as a substitute for workshopping with your writer pals.”

Yeah.  That’d never work.  I’m restless already; imagine if I just didn’t go back to the things that use up my mental energy.  Nevermind, just gonna chill!

I’d descend, pretty quickly, into a bad state.  If you’ve ever read Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, you’ll remember the Queen of Hearts always leveling death sentences to just about everyone… kind of like that.  Except less scary, because I’d probably just throw stuffed animals at you, instead of insisting on your beheadment.  Still, throwing stuffed animals isn’t very nice.

Hence, I really need to get back to Alma.

~          ~          ~

And, as I said earlier, I’m excited.  Very.  It’ll be a good year.  After a few weeks and probably, I’ll be all re-adjusted and ready to jump into the year.  Fortunately, I should be super busy– the reason I’m going back so early is because of a job, and I’ll have a week training, followed by work during Orientation Week, and then the semester will actually begin, and we’ll be good all rocka rolla.

Not as rocka rolla as these guys, though. #judaspriest
*cues high screams*

I’ll be writing with Jacob again.  I’ll be back with my roomie, on our awesome floor.  (We lucked out.  Seriously.  Awesome roommates, and a bunch of cool neighbors.)  Long walks.  Pipe smoking.  Literary discussion.  Etcetera.

Actually, why not share my vague bucket list for the year?

·      Publish.  I meant to this summer, but I totally dropped the ball on that… but not so this Fall!  I shall be throwing poems at as many publications as possible.

·      Getting way better at literary analysis.  To be honest, I’m actually already pretty good.  Goes with being homeschooled.  But I’m not as good as I could be, and I really want to delve into some of the less popular theories– antithetical and archetypal, specifically.

·      Both of which I’ve explored a bit on this blog!  So, time to go deeper.

·      Which kinda means I need to find my copy of The Bedford Glossary of Critical and Literary Terms.  Or maybe it’s Literary and Critical.  Not sure.  I have his uncomfortable suspicion that it’s the only book I lost in the move…

·      Write.  Write all of the things.  I have a fiction workshop this coming semester, and I’m so excited.  A bunch of good friends are taking the class.  And one of my favorite professors is teaching it.  Stories.  Poems outside of class with friends.  And blogging!

·      Because I shall maintain this blog.  Promise.

·      Long walks in the woods and by the river and through the graveyard and through the crevice and little visited places in the school buildings.

·      Pipe or cigar smoking while on said walks?  Yes.

·      Writing.

Let’s see.  I think that’s most everything.  Oh, maintain a good GPA.  I do want to do that.

Oh.

·      Continue being friends with my friendfolk.

‘Cause that’s usually a good goal, too.

~          ~          ~

So.  That’s the basic outline for the year.  Very much looking forward to all of it.  There’s probably going to be some kind of romantic endeavor in there, too.  (By probably, I mean there will be.) [By there will be, I mean, Uh-oh I wonder what’ll happen.]

I don’t know what I’ll do with the final week of vacation.  Read, probably.  Been doing a lot of reading.  Taking my mind off everything.  Which is pretty much what I do anyways, but it’s fairly deliberate right now.  With that thought in mind, I’m off for now!

 

Cthulhu!!
I'm not going to read about him, but look.  He wants to nom you!!
(One of my best friends uses this as her Twitter profile pic... she's pretty cool.)