One week.
A friend told me that summers go by faster the older you
get. He’s in his fifties (you tend to
accumulate a broad age range of companions when you’re an artist, or at least
that’s been my experience), so I suppose he’d know better than I. Definitely getting to know those feels,
though. It feels like yesterday that I
was heading home from Alma, and now I’ve got a week before I return.
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| One of my favorite shots of campus. Not taken by me, to be clear. I does not has the photography skills... Also, it's August. Why am I posting a winter shot?? Hmmm. Refer to my second post, I guess... http://sparechangeandcephalopods.blogspot.com/2013/06/moving-iceland.html |
I think I might be a little nervous. I’m thrilled to be returning, yes. But apprehensive. For every bit of me that says, ‘Yes!! Finally going back to school,” there’s
another part that goes, “Ehhhhh, well, that’s sort of nice, if you’re into that
kind of thing…” Luckily, I am into that
kind of thing, but still. It’s weird–
I’ve been getting used to the new house, and now I’m off again.
I’ve lived in three different places over the past year– old
house, school, and new house. I’m not
really bothered by any of those, and I wouldn’t actually change any of the
circumstances. Yet, at the same time,
there’s part of me that’s fairly uncomfortable… I have this weird thing where I
transition period to a new place. Some
people plop in wherever they are right away and are completely
comfortable. I tend to take a few days. Or weeks.
Sometimes months.
It can make brief trips kind of hard. I love traveling, but honestly, I find it
super stressful. I keep myself really
busy whenever I take a short trip. I’m
mentally checking off the days until I visit Chicago again, but I know that
once I’m there, I’m going to fill up the day as much as possible and probably
stay out ‘til three in the morning to keep my mind from going, “Hey now,
shouldn’t you be feeling super awkward about now…?”
Luckily, I like wandering around big cities late at
night. Otherwise, the whole situation’d
be awfully lame. But anyways. Transition time. Last year, it took a really long time for me
to feel like Alma was any kind of home.
About halfway through second semester.
*facepalm*
It won’t be anything
like that this year. But it will take a
while. I’ve really come to love my new
house. My room- the little tucked away
wing of the house– has become very me.
Five million posters, poems on the wall, books, swords, a bunch of pens
lying everywhere because I have a disorganized post-modern brain… heh,
basically, it looks like a nicer version of a dorm room. Moving again so soon feels strange, and I
don’t want to. I mean, I want to be back
at school, with my friends, stressing over classes, writing (and especially
being able to work with other writers, something I’ve really missed over the
summer). I actually want to be chillin’
with my roomie (who possesses the unlikely and wonderful name of Jamie Otter),
too. I does has the loves for that boy.
But, at the same
time, I’m not really ready to leave my new space
~ ~ ~
Rooms have a weird
way of doing the whole hey-look-now-I’m-you thing. If you truly inhabit a space, it slowly
becomes an extension of your self.
Notice, I didn’t compound those words– your and self. Yourself feels too generalized, really; it
denotes you, but in a superficial, busy sort of way. Like, If
you want something done right you have to do it yourself. It’s a busy word.
Your
Self
The self that is
you, beneath the layers of stuff and face you put forward for everyone else. It’s a private place inside you, but a good
room, a space you’re comfortable in, becomes a strong reflection of you, the
you that’s actually you. Or at least
closer to the actually you than the face most people see. I suppose that might even be what makes a
place home, when it mirrors you and those closest to you with a minimal amount
of fluff on top. My room’s doing
that. It’s kind of a controlled
clutter, which is how I think. Lots of
stuff, all basically related, all jumbled up to create a semblance of
sensicality. I’m very comfortable in it
now.
At the same time…
I’m getting restless. And bored. I need more to do, and I need to keep moving
forward. Staying in my room, at this point,
would basically be complacency, and that’s never a good thing.
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| This is Darth Bane. He was so opposed to complacency that he engineered the death of most every other Sith in the galaxy, since they'd gotten a little weak. He was pretty hardcore. |
So, I know I need to
go back, and I want to, but there’s that little part of me whispering, “Awww,
just stay here. Read some novels. Write some poems. You just started that book of essays. They’re cool.
Totes’ll work as a substitute for workshopping with your writer pals.”
Yeah. That’d never work. I’m restless already; imagine if I just
didn’t go back to the things that use up my mental energy. Nevermind, just gonna chill!
I’d descend, pretty
quickly, into a bad state. If you’ve
ever read Alice’s Adventures in
Wonderland, you’ll remember the Queen of Hearts always leveling death
sentences to just about everyone… kind of like that. Except less scary, because I’d probably just
throw stuffed animals at you, instead of insisting on your beheadment. Still, throwing stuffed animals isn’t very
nice.
Hence, I really need
to get back to Alma.
~ ~ ~
And, as I said
earlier, I’m excited. Very. It’ll be a good year. After a few weeks and probably, I’ll be all
re-adjusted and ready to jump into the year.
Fortunately, I should be super busy– the reason I’m going back so early
is because of a job, and I’ll have a week training, followed by work during
Orientation Week, and then the semester will actually begin, and we’ll be good
all rocka rolla.
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| Not as rocka rolla as these guys, though. #judaspriest *cues high screams* |
I’ll be writing with
Jacob again. I’ll be back with my
roomie, on our awesome floor. (We lucked
out. Seriously. Awesome roommates, and a bunch of cool
neighbors.) Long walks. Pipe smoking.
Literary discussion. Etcetera.
Actually, why not
share my vague bucket list for the year?
· Publish.
I meant to this summer, but I totally dropped the ball on that… but not
so this Fall! I shall be throwing poems
at as many publications as possible.
· Getting way better at literary analysis. To be honest, I’m actually already pretty
good. Goes with being homeschooled. But I’m not as good as I could be, and I
really want to delve into some of the less popular theories– antithetical and
archetypal, specifically.
· Both of which I’ve explored a bit on this
blog! So, time to go deeper.
· Which kinda means I need to find my copy of The Bedford Glossary of Critical and
Literary Terms. Or maybe it’s
Literary and Critical. Not sure. I have his uncomfortable suspicion that it’s
the only book I lost in the move…
· Write.
Write all of the things. I have a
fiction workshop this coming semester, and I’m so excited. A bunch of good friends are taking the
class. And one of my favorite professors
is teaching it. Stories. Poems outside of class with friends. And blogging!
· Because I shall maintain this blog. Promise.
· Long walks in the woods and by the river and
through the graveyard and through the crevice and little visited places in the
school buildings.
· Pipe or cigar smoking while on said
walks? Yes.
· Writing.
Let’s see.
I think that’s most everything.
Oh, maintain a good GPA. I do
want to do that.
Oh.
· Continue being friends with my friendfolk.
‘Cause that’s
usually a good goal, too.
~ ~ ~
So. That’s the basic outline for the year. Very much looking forward to all of it. There’s probably going to be some kind of
romantic endeavor in there, too. (By probably, I mean there will be.) [By there will be, I mean, Uh-oh I wonder what’ll happen.]
I don’t know what I’ll
do with the final week of vacation.
Read, probably. Been doing a lot
of reading. Taking my mind off
everything. Which is pretty much what I
do anyways, but it’s fairly deliberate right now. With that thought in mind, I’m off for now!
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| Cthulhu!! I'm not going to read about him, but look. He wants to nom you!! (One of my best friends uses this as her Twitter profile pic... she's pretty cool.) |
